A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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