No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
There's always time for handjobs
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize