Sorry, I don't speak sober.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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