I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
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