You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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