I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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