you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
