Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Randomize
