so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
