Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
