I'm going to rape someone's good day.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
