Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
no you cant smoke seaweed
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
