there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
