fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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