My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
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