Betty ford says i'm here all night
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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