So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I love you.
Bad choice
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
