my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
