phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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