so that wasnt chicken after all
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
