Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize