We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
