Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
My first STD was from a foam party
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
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