there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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