Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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