I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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