haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
My ass is underappreciated
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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