lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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