I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
