I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
