So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Randomize
