I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
