New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
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