I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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