i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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