There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
