apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
She told me I should be a condom model.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Randomize
