Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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