I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
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