The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
she woke up with a sticky ear
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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