Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
