I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize