youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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