it's like iHOP with fire
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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