I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
