In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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