oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
