No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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