I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize