If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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