Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize