I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
