plz talk dirty to me
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
my sisters under your porch take her home
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
