he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
