Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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