He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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