Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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