he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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