I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
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