so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
