69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
He shit in the fireplace
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