i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
