his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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