You smell like a Billy Joel song
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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