her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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