while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
