Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
