i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
