OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
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