It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
you will always have a special place in my vag
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize