I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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