My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
