Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Randomize
