what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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