the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
